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| Lif grammar jooo...big swag and big moni no signal say something big dey inside pants. |
So we've decided to celebrate the less Endowed Men -- the famous dudes
who are rumored to have nothing going on underneath their name-brand
jeans. Obviously these teeny weenies have not been verified first-hand,
but we figure that even if it's not true, the guys on this list
probably did
something to justify the mean-spirited rumor. Enjoy!
Arnold Schwarzenegger. He's not
small, per se, but he does put to rest the rumor the bodybuilders are
more well-hung than common folk. The Gov. once said:
"You can't make it bigger through exercise, that's for sure." Obviously, he's tried.
Ashton Kutcher. When Kutcher started dating Demi Moore, his ex, Brittany Murphy speculated,
"To him, age doesn't matter, and to her, size doesn't matter." Just bitter? Or telling the truth?
Ben Affleck. He obviously wasn't judged nude when he
was once named People's Sexiest Man Alive. Michael Clark Duncan, his
co-star in Armageddon, had this to say:
"Don't get me wrong, ladies, Ben is cool, but I've seen the guy naked ... and c'mon, man! I was not impressed at all." Ouch.
Colin Farrell. On his manhood, Farrell has said:
"Let me tell you, it ain't nothing to f*cking write home about!"
Daniel Craig. Could the suave
and sexy James Bond be, God forbid, small? Maybe. Daniel Craig used
penis doubles for his sex scenes in Casino Royale. Something to hide,
Mr. Craig?
Daniel Radcliffe. When the Harry
Potter star appeared naked on stage in 'Equus,' his penis shrank 'to
the size of a hamster.' God knows what it looked like before.
Danny Bonaduce. The washed-up
child star sports a d*ck the size of a baby gnat. And yet that hasn't
stopped him from dropping trousers...over and over again.
Dustin Diamond. Is anyone really surprised Screech used a stunt penis?
Eminem. The rapper's got a big head, but that's about it. Ex-wife Kim said
Em wasn't well-endowed and, further, that he sucked in bed.
Shia LaBeouf. He told Playboy the first time he slept
with a girl, he put a pillow underneath her to help things go, uh, a
little smoother. Didn't work.
"I'm not extremely well-endowed, and clearly this wasn't the move," LaBeouf recalls.
Nick Lachey. Back when he was sc***ing Jessica Simpson, she divulged that
"he didn't pack too well, if you know what I mean."
Napoleon. The Little General, indeed. Supposedly, the general of France's penis was chopped off
(can you say ouch?) and, like the rest of him, boy, was it small.
Jude Law. The paparazzi caught the English bloke changing into his swimsuit in France, and said of his junk:
"He's no Tommy Lee, that's for sure." And this is why you should always strip down in private.
Johnny Knoxville. The "Jackass" maniac compared his less-than-impressive
schlong to a light switch and
"an egg in a nest."
Howard Stern. The self-professed
King of all Media insists he's got a borderline micro-penis; which if
you look it up, is actually the size of a large cli***is. Ewwwww
Fred Durst. When a sex tape got out that showed the Limp Bizkit singer's alleged shortcomings, Durst sued
Gawker Media. Stat.
Enrique Iglesias. The spanish
crooner had a badcase of TMI when he announced the next product he was
putting his name on was extra-small condoms. Poor Anna Kournikova.
